I was recently in a social situation where another person felt he had the right to slap my rear because I had made a quip about some people being into that.
I had never met this person before. I hadn’t had any one on one interaction with him. Yet, because of that one comment, he felt he had the right to put his hands on me in a sexual manner.
That was bad enough, but what was worse was that when I called him out on it, the other people there - in what I can only understand as a fit of awkwardness - tried to cover it and pass it off as no big deal.
In short, I was seen as the one disrupting the evening, not the person who had touched me without consent.
I got thinking about it after. This was a completely vanilla event and as far as anyone there is concerned I’m vanilla and as far as I know so are they. Had that been a kink event and something like that happened - an action done without consent and being brought to attention - something would have been done. There are standards and expectations, unwritten (or in some communities, written) rules of conduct. It wouldn’t have needed to cause a scene - it could have been dealt with quietly by the host/hostess or whomever and the rest of the night would have continued on. In the kink world (when it’s done right), consent is something that isn’t taken for granted. It’s not some elephant in the room. It’s asked for and discussed and given and negotiated and clear. It’s not an awkward thing to ask before touching and not out of line to refuse.
In the vanilla world consent doesn’t always work like that. It’s this fuzzy line that can be something you’re never quite sure of. From giving someone a hug to initiating sex there’s all these “signals” and “hints”. No one is sure of the rules, people feel pressure one way or another. It’s a mess. So people all the time end up having their boundaries crossed because a) they don’t have an opportunity to establish a boundary and b) they feel social pressure to behave a certain way even if it makes them uncomfortable, because their personal views and limits aren’t validated.
Yes, I know this can (and does) happen in kink communities as well, but it shouldn’t. It shouldn’t happen any time or any where. It should be natural to say “can I hug you” (as well as to answer with “no”) just like it should be easy to ask a person if you can take off their clothes or whatever else you want to do to them. Consent shouldn’t be fuzzy or ambiguous and NOTHING SHOULD BE DONE WITHOUT IT. At least in the kink world we are open about consent - it’s something that you’re expected to talk about, rather than just leaving it a grey area.
SHELDON IS FREAKIN ADORABLE AND I WANT TO ADOPT HIM.
most underrated Doctor
Love, love, love Nine.
I usually don’t get upset over the deaths of celebrities because they’re people, just like us, who die eventually. However, the death of Robin Williams has left me distraught. Many of his movies made up my childhood. RIP Mr. Williams.
Rest in Peace Robin
my heart is broken
I’m still in disbelief…
HOW IS THIS THE FIRST TIME I’VE SEEN THIS IT’S ALMOST AT 10 MILLION WTF
Yes let’s do it for him.
Alternate Version & Ultra - Hi-Res ! 2010 02 04 - BBC ’ Sherlock ’ Season 01 by Colin Hutton
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phil attacking dan with a ping pong ball
when u ask ur mom for fast food and she says yes and asks what u want
Can we talk about how Sam was worthy of holding and using Mjolnir?
It’s the hair I’m sure of it